How to Handle Holiday Stress as a Couple
The holiday season can leave a partner feeling unappreciated or resentful for doing all the shopping and cooking, or it can lead to another partner feeling pressured into doing things their partner’s way. But the holidays are a time to come together as a team and create a sense of balance. This template can help you stress-proof your relationship this holiday season:
1. List all the urgent chores and responsibilities that require attention. This gives you an objective view for determining responsibilities.
2. Add three columns to the list: one for you, one for your partner, and one for both of you.
3. Read the list together. Talk about each other’s perception of how holiday responsibilities were handled in the past and discuss how you would like to approach them this year.
4. Go through the items that are easy to assign this year and choose who is responsible (you, your partner, or both). Check the appropriate task and partner on the list, and set aside the tasks that can wait.
5. For the items you didn’t assign, ask each other open-ended questions about the task and the difficulties associated with it. This is a learning opportunity.
Strengthen Your Relationship During the Holiday Season
After both partners feel understood, determine how you’d like to proceed this year and compromise when needed so both of you feel comfortable with your plans.
The goal here is to find win-win solutions that put your partner’s needs on par with your own. Work together in developing solutions that satisfy both your needs. Then decide who is responsible, assign the task, and note the date that it needs to be completed.
Now you have a better idea of who does what and when, which should already relieve a great deal of stress. Dr. John Gottman’s research shows that a purely equal division of tasks isn’t essential (keeping score can lead to resentment). It’s more important that each partner feels responsibilities are balanced. Modify plans if necessary, and support each other. If your partner feels overwhelmed or flooded, see if you can help out by taking on some of their tasks.
To further stress-proof your relationship, take time each day to check in with your partner, discussing any holiday stresses without trying to ‘fix’ everything.
Conclusion
By following these simple steps, you and your partner can stress-proof your relationship and enjoy the holiday season together. Remember to prioritize communication, compromise, and mutual support. With a little planning and effort, you can create a more balanced and enjoyable holiday season for both of you.
FAQs
Q: How can I avoid feeling resentful during the holiday season?
A: By communicating openly with your partner and working together to divide responsibilities, you can avoid feelings of resentment and create a more balanced holiday season.
Q: What if my partner and I have different opinions on how to handle holiday responsibilities?
A: It’s essential to listen to each other’s perspectives and find common ground. Compromise and work together to find solutions that satisfy both of your needs.
Q: How can I support my partner during the holiday season?
A: Take time to check in with your partner daily, discussing any holiday stresses or concerns. Offer to help with tasks or responsibilities, and prioritize mutual support.
Q: What if I feel overwhelmed or flooded during the holiday season?
A: Don’t hesitate to ask for help from your partner. Take on some of their tasks or responsibilities, and prioritize self-care to manage your stress levels.